This is hard... people have no idea

I've had enough. so much so that i'm finally gonna do something about.

I've been having acne problems since Primary school. but up till JC, i've always more or less kept it under control using over-the-counter facial washes and moisturizers (to combat the skin dryness i've also been facing) But now, for the first time ever, I truly feel that my skin is so bad that it's really beyond my personal capacity to handle it. For those not in the know, I've had oily skin right from the start, but when i was young, i didn't really know much about skincare and i was washing my face three times a day to try and keep my face matte. and due to amount of time i was spending outdoors, i was always getting sunburnt. I remember the worst was in sec three, after i came back from camp, my face was peeling and i didn't know what was aloe vera, nor moisturizers and to top it off, my mother insisted me to go swimming, "so as not to waste the money being paid to the coach" and i remember showering in the pool's cubicle, feeling how badly my face was peeling, my "mother" not caring a single bit, only concerned that her money for the swimming fees weren't wasted.

and i remembered how my face would get sunburnt , peel off, then get sunburnt again the next week. this went on for several weeks and my face finally gave. I experienced what was cracking. i couldn't smile, i couldn't express my face. technically, i could. but once i did that, my face would crack, and skin flakes would start developing on my face.

the jc years were the worst. hot weather+severe dryness+oily skin+thick moisturizers to combat+acne=disastrous

but the most distinct thing about acne and my skin problems is probably not the physical part of it. its the psychological and mental part. i don't blame people for judging others based on physicalities; in this case, my skin. i don't. cause i understand that's how this world works. and my cousin was one of them. who judged me constantly on my skin and criticised me on my skin every single time we hang out. i tried to brush it off EVERY single time, thinking she was just making a joke. that's how naive i was. looking back now, i am grateful that i broke off all contact with her. perhaps, she didn't even care then. now, neither will i.

my cousin was just a single example of all those people that judged me based on my skin. and in a way, i saw the worst in people.

People who have had normal clear skin right from the start have no idea how hard it is. they will say things like "why don't you just go wash your face?!" if its as simple as that, there wouldn't be dermatologists needed at all.

And i'm finally going to seek help. i've been procrastinating. or rather, i've been trying to convince myself that i don't need a dermatologist; my skin isn't that bad. it's time i seek help.
tomorrow i gonna get a referral to Nsc when i go to the polyclinic for my medical check-up...