Resolutions

The people who are trying to make the world worse are not taking a day off. How can I? – Bob Marley

It’s a brand new year and tomorrow is the start of the new semester. I’m kind of looking forward to it actually. The modules I’m taking this semester seems kind of interesting; well, I promised myself I’ll try not to pick modules based on their apparent difficulty level, but rather my interest in them. I love new beginnings. Because they mean a fresh start for me. Time to score that A star I never had. Time to put in more effort in my work. Time to pull up my cap. And also, to keep to my New Year resolutions. I know I know, no one sticks to them. But I told myself I’m going to set realistic goals this year. Here they are:

1) Attend each and every Lecture and Tutorial.

2) Put more thought into what I’m going to say, and not just shoot off the tip.

3) Zero Facebook time and spend less time in front of the computer.

4) Plan for an overseas trip during the term break.

5) And lastly, be less uptight and just have fun.

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Now playing: Avril Lavigne – What the Hell

The past week has been a wreck for me. I said some things I probably shouldn’t have said to my mom about a week ago. My relationship with her is really at its worst ever. And probably the worst for any form of relationships ever. I do realise that it’s hard for her, and after saying those stuff, I kind of regretted it. I know I’m a wretched mess deep inside me. I’m already 22 (I think?) and yet, I still can’t keep my sh** together. And then some days ago, I was rearranging some of my stuff and I stumbled across my Santy’s letter and I teared up a little. And it got me thinking about the simpler times back then. A long while back, that is. And as far as modules go this semester, it’s not that bad. It’s just that I’m hoping to pass my RT by the end of Phase I, which gives me roughly more than a week for me to do so. I’ve already jam packed my entire next week with daily workouts. And I kind of noticed this guy who keeps noticing me for the past two RTs. Basically for me, my mentality when I step into Maju is to stay focused – that is to pass my RT by the end of phase I. hence I try to look as stoned as possible, avoid the gaze of anyone and not attracting any attention. Get done with it N get out of there. Eazy Peazy. But this guy and his friend just keeps lingering nearby no matter where I go. I don’t know whether it’s just me, or it’s just a coincidence that he happens to be near me everytime, or he thinks I’m weird, which is why he finds me fascinating, or he’s attracted to me. He’s decent enough, but I kind of dismissed him a Beng by the end of the first RT. BUT he had a really nice voice when he became the detail IC at the second RT. I still don't know if I should interact with him? Or should I just remain focused on what’s more important?

Michael Jackson.

A Living Legend. The King of Pop. The Greatest Icon of his Generation. Michael Jackson.

On June 25, 2009, 2:26pm in the United states, Michael Jackson passed away, at the age of 50.

I woke up today, and the first thing i heard on the local FM through my radio is that Michael Jackson passed away. And the first thing that raced through my mind was: IMPOssIBLE. NO FREAKIN' wAY. but the sombre tone of the DJs were telling me otherwise. And then I went: "Fuck."

Everywhere. Everyone. In the whole world. People are talking about it. they can't believe it. neither can it.

Throughout the whole morning, i was getting the goosebumps. My eyes were welling up. For realz. and i listened to him on my ipod. on the radio. and hearing people talk about him.

He brought the meaning of "Pop" to a whole new level. He was a performer. a breakthrough singer whose songs are still relevant in today's society.

He was an idol. he was my inspiration. he will forever be loved. by the world.

Now Now...

I'm going to attempt to explain TO MYsELF why i hate my father soo much and why he sucks:

1. selfish and a miser. probably the biggest reason of all. Gives me the BARE MINIMUM my ENTIRE life. I will admit that my family is one of the better off in my extended family tree but i don't think that is any excuse for scrimping. He thinks that the role of the father is just to provide housing and education and food and that's that. He nevers spends an extra penny on me. NEVER. never bought me any new clothes, I HAD TO BEG like hell for a CD player in secondary school. only then does he unwilling relent.
   
2. self-centred. he only cares about himself. has a personal Television, a rack for it, an armchair for the watching his personal tv, buys only fruits that he needs and wants, the type of bread that he wants, basically, he doesn't buy anything for anyone other than himself.
   
3. self-conscious and insecurities. let's face it. i can tell that he's the nerdy kid who doesnt play sports and now, he's having his mid-life crisis and tons of insecurities. He doesn't like to engage people, he always avoid conflicts with people. He's a wimp, in other words. And, i used to look up to my parents - until i realised that well into their adulthood, they still haven't got used to themselves and juz be comfortable in their own skin. How the heck are u going to raise kids, if u can't even get past ur own insecurities? And in a way, i feel as if he doesn't want me to be better than him. Lest it makes him feel inferior.
   

In my mind, there are so are many instances when i hated my dad. and there are none when i am thankful for him. I remembered how little pocket money i got in secondary school, even though i was doing triple sciences and had classes late into the afternoon. I remembered how much favouritism he showed my sisters my entire life. soooo many examples that i can't really pen them all down.

This fathers' day, i hope u rot and burn. U don't deserve to be celebrated. U don't deserve to be called a father. To me, u're no different from a stranger.

Half-way there

• OMG. i starting to speak with a China-accent~~
  
• Hipsters jeans that shows ur stupid boxers are sooooooo 10 years ago.
  
• Daily commuting is a daily b#$%h!!! (bus 92 commuters are the worst eva!!)
  
• what is it with youngsters complaining about every single whiney nitty-gritty stuff?
  
• yay!!! the new office is juz rite next to sTARBUCKs!!?!?!?!!? daily overpriced fab coffee!!! i'm all for it!!! (srsly!!)
  
• my butt never felt more firm in my life than in the past week (thanks to all the lifting~~)
  
• Father's Day? PLs!!! THE REAsON NO ONE EVER RMBERs THAT DAY Is COZ HOw MUCH THEY sUCK!! BLEH!
  
• another penny for ur thoughts: no one really cares about global warming coz all the stupid airhead office workers/execs/professionals/basically everyone juz sit their frumpy saggy ass in air-con rooms the whole day, whining, complaining how hot it is lately..... all the while the air-conditioning releases more CFCs into the environment. It's only going to get hotter with these kind of attitudes. Take THAT BITCHEs~~!
  
• bleh~~ if u're not going to bother, i'm not going to either.
  
  

sleepy eyes....

• blasting my fan now at full speed at less than a metre away... Temperatures expected to hit 35°C in the following weeks... OH LORD HELP Us ALL...
  
• fit--press--flick--pour--throw. Rinse & Repeat...
  
• can't take it any more. my stupid laptop sux...
  
• can't take it any more!! my water heater sucks. goes from very cold to very HOT within a fraction of a turn. (THX DAD FOR BEING A MIsER - "CHEAPCHEAPCHEAP")
  
• soooo tired... running out of work to do at shimadzu... fake it till i drop it!!!
  
• Apple recently relaunched it MacBook series. Old 13" MacBook Unibody now part of the Macbook pro family... almost all of the Macbooks receive a spec upgrade with a lower price point. just in time...
  
  

Updates

Been busy the last couple of days. went to have my Pre-U medical check-up. didn't go to the Health centre as they suggested, mainly coz i didn't want to see my old colleagues there. urgh... instead i went to my nearby polyclinic and man, is it eXXX!!!the total thing costs slightly more than 50bucks, inclusive of X-ray ($16), urine test ($5), blood pressure, height and weight, some tummy check... kinda dumb. but having worked at the Health centre, i kinda knew what to expect... the Health centre charges cheaper ($30 inclusive of X-ray) but i still wouldn't go there. Besides its soooo far....

And i signed a new job offer yest, with Tempserv Pte Ltd, and MAN, was it - s M A L L - ! N i mean it~~ their main (prob only ) office is like a 10 × 3m rectangular room with several cubicles, a very noisy air-con (or cooling fan? i'm not sure) right at the entrance, ONLY ONE interview room and that's it. wow. but what am i to be picky about. i'm juz glad i can still nab jobs in times like this... i'm feeling the heat man... after the last job, i'm definitely more cautious this time around...

I've been viewing lots of doggie/puppies videos lately, mainly coz i'm thinking of getting one. I originally wanted a Golden Lab pup but they not allowed in HBD flats and i didn't want to go around the law (thou i know its v.common). and besides i think that they're too big for my house by the time they're full grown. so i turned my attention to another C U T E breed - japanese spitz. IMO, the cutest breed allowed in HDB - both pup and adult. as a pup, they resemble polar cubs and when they're full grown, they look like snow-white foxes~~! anyway, i juz saw this vid of two shih tzu pups~~ cute~!

This is hard... people have no idea

I've had enough. so much so that i'm finally gonna do something about.

I've been having acne problems since Primary school. but up till JC, i've always more or less kept it under control using over-the-counter facial washes and moisturizers (to combat the skin dryness i've also been facing) But now, for the first time ever, I truly feel that my skin is so bad that it's really beyond my personal capacity to handle it. For those not in the know, I've had oily skin right from the start, but when i was young, i didn't really know much about skincare and i was washing my face three times a day to try and keep my face matte. and due to amount of time i was spending outdoors, i was always getting sunburnt. I remember the worst was in sec three, after i came back from camp, my face was peeling and i didn't know what was aloe vera, nor moisturizers and to top it off, my mother insisted me to go swimming, "so as not to waste the money being paid to the coach" and i remember showering in the pool's cubicle, feeling how badly my face was peeling, my "mother" not caring a single bit, only concerned that her money for the swimming fees weren't wasted.

and i remembered how my face would get sunburnt , peel off, then get sunburnt again the next week. this went on for several weeks and my face finally gave. I experienced what was cracking. i couldn't smile, i couldn't express my face. technically, i could. but once i did that, my face would crack, and skin flakes would start developing on my face.

the jc years were the worst. hot weather+severe dryness+oily skin+thick moisturizers to combat+acne=disastrous

but the most distinct thing about acne and my skin problems is probably not the physical part of it. its the psychological and mental part. i don't blame people for judging others based on physicalities; in this case, my skin. i don't. cause i understand that's how this world works. and my cousin was one of them. who judged me constantly on my skin and criticised me on my skin every single time we hang out. i tried to brush it off EVERY single time, thinking she was just making a joke. that's how naive i was. looking back now, i am grateful that i broke off all contact with her. perhaps, she didn't even care then. now, neither will i.

my cousin was just a single example of all those people that judged me based on my skin. and in a way, i saw the worst in people.

People who have had normal clear skin right from the start have no idea how hard it is. they will say things like "why don't you just go wash your face?!" if its as simple as that, there wouldn't be dermatologists needed at all.

And i'm finally going to seek help. i've been procrastinating. or rather, i've been trying to convince myself that i don't need a dermatologist; my skin isn't that bad. it's time i seek help.
tomorrow i gonna get a referral to Nsc when i go to the polyclinic for my medical check-up...